I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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