Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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