I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
