so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize