If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize