is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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