Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize