Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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