four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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