Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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