They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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