i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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