my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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