Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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