The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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