then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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