mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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