I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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