Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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