I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize