My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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