it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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