John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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