There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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