hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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