he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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