I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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