I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
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I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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