im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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