It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize