just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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