just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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