I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize