I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize