remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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