those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize