Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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