Do vagina's smell?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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