I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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