im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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