Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize