I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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