I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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