Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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