Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
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So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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