You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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