Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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