Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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