Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
50% drunk capacity currently
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize