That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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