he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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