why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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