Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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