She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize